Steph and the Gals

Steph and the Gals (our temporary name) performed our first gig last night and we have lined up two more.

As a musician and music teacher, this has been a journey of friendship, fun and music.

Because I have been performing live for years and working as a musician, it seems completely attainable to me to play live but it’s not for everyone. However, to some music students with some great talent, we proved last night that we can do whatever we want to do.

Dreams are great at all ages and when people ask me if they are too old to learn guitar or play music, I say, “No.”

I think it may even be more important later in life than it is earlier because we need to keep rejuvenating ourselves with fresh, fun things in our lives. Age is just a number. Our souls are always young, always seeking.

Life has enough stress and responsibilities without denying ourselves potentially enriching activities. Real and deeply enriching activities. Things that we may desire and yet they take us out of our comfort zone, and when we actually do them, we are elated. High on life.

Everyone’s dreams are different and unique to them, but there is never a time to stop reaching for them. One hour a week committed to something enriching can fuel our gas tanks for a whole week and fill us with anticipation for the next enriching hour.

This latest project I have worked on with my students has been nothing short of a blast. So many laughs and newly formed friendships and some amazing music.

At our first performance for a great cause, we actually received a standing ovation, which was unexpected. We did not have an encore song chosen. So I pulled my end-of-my-evening song from my repertoire, which is a feel-good, sing-a-long song and we all performed our encore song.

What a great night for this group. What a great example of following our dreams and desires and challenging ourselves to do new things.

I remember around 18 years ago getting on my first coffeehouse stage playing my original music. I had performed before but this was new and I always had the jitters. Bands had a security to them but this was a completely new creature. It was both exhilarating and terrifying and I loved it.

Since I was young I have performed many venues from big audiences with full bands to solo gigs in pubs (my favourite) and still await a stadium or the largest bank of speakers I can imagine. But I still remember that magical moment of my first coffeehouse performance, the magical stopping of time and the great feeling I had.

I know how awesome that is to share with someone else, even though this has become my work, it is still a passion. Like writing.

So my blog is my new challenge and once again I am finding exhilaration in the experience.

We are never too old to enjoy life, to stretch ourselves, to put ourselves “out there” or whatever it may be we wish to do. Let’s follow our hearts, not follow the tribe (it moves too slowly for this lifetime) and let ourselves sing.
                                                      Steph  

Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

Well there are some days when you wake up ready to greet the morning and then there are days in which you are clear, you have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.  Sometimes I wonder if it was a dream I had that made me angry or edgy or frustrated, and yet I can’t remember one.  Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction.  Immediately the world turns upside-down, coffee filters rip and wet coffee grinds find their way to the floor, containers won’t open, cupboard doors take on a life of their own reaching out to smack me in the head, or is it just me??  I have to wonder since it doesn’t seem as if the whole world has changed since I went to bed and yes it is true I am the common denominator in my experiences.  I wonder and then google who exactly came up with the saying “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”?  Well it seems that the Romans believed that it was bad luck to get out of bed on the left hand side and that meant getting out of bed on the “wrong side”which was thought to bring you very bad luck all day.  But yet I get out of bed on the exact same side every day!   It is left from standing at the foot of the bed looking at it and right if I am laying down.  So which exactly way is it to exit the wrong side of the bed as there seems to be a few variables here.  And if it is from the end of the bed we are considering, well then I get out on the wrong side every morning!! Ok, so it is just a saying, but one thing is for sure, it seems to be a real thing.  Cranky pants in the morning for absolutely no apparent reason!  One of my favorite speakers says, what you focus on, you will get more of.  Well if that means I focus on being cranky, and then my coffee filter rips, and then I bang my head on the cupboard door and then Max decides that is the morning he should test out all of his craziest whining voices accompanied by his funniest sayings, like “help me.. I need a biscuit“  while I am trying desperately to “turn the bus around”  and the dog is also whining, because her water and food dishes are full!  This to me is a clear indication, I must have done an exit bedside left!!    So once I have accepted the fact I have indeed, "woken up on the wrong side of the bed", I make sure that in any way I can, I work to turn it around.  I may go back to bed for 20 min to 3 hours, (schedule permitting, since I work afternoons) then I work to reboot and exit bedside right!!  If I don’t have time to go back to bed I make sure I try and focus on something else for at least 17 seconds and then again for another 17 seconds to redirect my day.  Happy Thoughts... Happy Thoughts... ducking another cupboard door aiming for my head.  If I must get in my car, then I make extra sure to take that 17 seconds before putting the car in drive and look at some clouds or something relaxing and breath and focus.  I have decided running over pedestrians or getting in accidents never improves any day!!!  Yes, the day could get much worse but if you practice, it can get much better, much quicker!   Besides, if you are cranky you know without a doubt every other cranky person (or worse yet... annoying person) is on their way to see you.  You have now become a magnet to exactly what you wish to avoid… every tractor from rural Ontario will find its way to you and will be going 3km an hour in front of you, pretending to turn into each driveway (yes even in the city!).  So I guess what I am saying is, since I can't avoid this morning phenomenon, so I try and sit back, I try and find the humour and chill out.  Yep there may be no cure to the initial start of the day, but I have realized you can sure turn it around prior to a full blown “bad day”!  It is all in how you proceed from that moment you get up and take one step off of the “wrong side of the bed”!  

Almost Fifty ... On Turning Almost Forty

When my "Almost Forty" friend walked in and said I’m having a big birthday and big trouble with it, I was more than happy to offer some of my thoughts and reflections on my “Almost Decade Ago” birthday! It is with great reflection and life experience that I felt I had learned something’s about the Mid-Life event that for many is "imminent or occurring“ or passed.  When I said maybe I could write about it my “almost forty” friend said YES please do!!  So here it goes ….

Let me start with, I don't think anyone is exempt from the effects of the middle age transition.  Some people sail through easier and embrace it but it definitely depends on our attachments to certain things and certain events that are, or have taken place in our lives.

I like to think of it as a “mid life awakening”  rather than the traditional “mid life crisis”, simply because one is more positive and it seems it is when you “wake up and snap out of it” and realize you are middle age.  For some people age is something you think nothing of, but for some it is something you fear, or think is negative, or always thought you’d never experience.  However let’s be very clear on one thing… no one is exempt from aging unless you expired early and in which case, aging is definitely the better option.

So here is my opinion, splashed out on paper, take what you like and ditch the rest!

Ok so you arrive at mid life,  and you realize, time is marching on, and it is not waiting for you.  Time is no longer something you can waste or squander, it has now become a valuable commodity.  If you are vain, well, looks change.  If you have depended on your body and your image, it is likely to be your perception that this aging thing and your body is going to betray you in the next decade.  If you have been a caregiver you may look in the mirror, and see an older more tired version of your once perky self.  You may find regret in your life and lost time you can never retrieve.  During my thirties I was busy as a stay at home mom, losing both my parents between the age of 29 and 37 which is a whole other topic.   My life jam packed with raising (and having) children and helping my mom through cancer after losing my dad to a stroke, and one day it seemed I woke up and I was forty.  There was hardly any time to really stop and think prior to that!   I have no regret as I lived my life doing what I wanted to do.  (Minus the loss of the parent)  Most of us look up, intermittently during raising our children, out of the flurry of action and craziness and realize… time has passed… when and how did that happen?   Many of us still on the mountainous climb of parenthood.. You just can’t get off, because you’re only half way up the mountain.  People who do not have children I have noticed through conversation, do not realize they have aged.  It’s almost kind of comical (and I sort of envy them).  It’s like they do not have that child to have as a gage of the passing of time.  There’s nothing like looking at a twenty-three year old to know you are not as young as you once were.

So now you look up, the birthday approaches, maybe it’s not the fortieth but it’s thirty-nine or forty-one that is getting you worked up, regardless it is “mid-life” and as my friend said at 60, I now realize I am no longer middle age, since I haven’t met any 120yr olds!  Yep , at 49, (almost fifty) I too, am very most likely, passed middle age!

When the marker age hits and the feeling of upset or disturbance or restlessness or dis-ease and comes over you and you’re not really sure why, what is happening, why is with this sense of urgency?  Well in my thoughts, it’s simply because everything we have known, all of our “taken for granteds” have just up and left.  The gift of youth (which I agree is wasted on the young) has just simply left.  Now time is not on our side.  It has ditched us while life got busy and we possibly missed a whole decade in the midst of keeping homes afloat, bosses happy, kids fed and relationships together.

Sooo, what to do next.  Well in hind sight, Chill Out!  Relax and Don’t Panic!!  This is a natural process and doesn’t need to be painful or earth shattering.  It can be a fantastic transitional time in your life where you set yourself up for the new and great things cutting out a whole lot of bullshit in the process!  (for we are older and wiser now, right?)

Time to sit down and take a few notes and ask a few questions…
~ what is your life missing?
~ do you hate your job?
~ are you happy?
~ did you give it all away, and now you’re super pissed? (ie. Have you done anything for yourself and not just for everyone else if you are the caregiver type)
~ are you vain and have not ever needed to look any deeper within yourself?  If so things are about to change and it’s a much easier and far more graceful to accept reality rather than to fight against it. Finding beauty, real beauty if far more attractive than trying to desperately cling to vanity. (which is a futile battle anyways) Time to dig deep… are you willing?
~ are you happy?  Yes I have said that twice!
~ what hobby do you want to try?  Why would you not try it?  Why would you not take one hour out of the week for yourself and do something that might make you feel great?
~ how is your love life?
~ are you afraid of aging or dying
~ do you believe that you are in the drivers seat for your life? (because you are, no matter where it has landed)  ((as I always say.. Yep, I drove myself here, and I dropped myself off!))
~ do you feel like you have options?
~ What do you WANT … what DO you want… what do YOU want… what are your dreams and desires??
~ Do you think you can have them?  Do you think you should have them?  Shouldn’t everyone??

Maybe one (or all) of the above questions are contributing to the deeper under lying causes of upset and agitation of that “mid life feeling“… no wait.. Awakening … From the Deep Slumber of Youth!  Yes, in reflection, there is a bit of a slumber or “oblivion” that goes along with youth.  But a blissful sort of “not knowing” out in LaLa Land that I really do miss, and yes, oh how I did love it!!

Now if anyone (or your inside voice) tells you it’s too late… kick their ass and opinions to the curb!!!  Times may have made it to be different or slightly changed, but it is NEVER TOO LATE to live your life!!!  To follow your dreams, to re-invent yourself and to be happy on the journey!!    To say you cannot is absolute bullshit and something that keeps us all “in the box”, keeping us content with being the fuel for a larger, nonsensical world that we have collectively created.

MAKE IT HAPPEN!!  www.ultimateafrica.com

We are greater than the trap we often fall into, and
have greater reach than we know and thank goodness for “mid-life upset” as it kicks us up, off of our complacent asses and shifts us into gear.  Like myself and deadlines… well this literally is a deadline (pun intended).   Given this new deadline brings me to another key point…  we all really need to get over the issue of death.. We are all on the same train, some of us are on the 9 o’clock and some of us are on the 11 o’clock, but be sure of one thing… we are all getting on that train.  So like aging, embrace the process and stop fighting it.  It is a waste of time.  We all only are guaranteed this moment and why would you not live it??  Why would we waste it or squander it?  What are we waiting for???

The time is now! That is what your fortieth birthday or midlife moment is telling you.  (and your fiftieth screams at you)  Stop wasting time!!   Retirement is a bullshit concept.  Some people don’t make it that far, and how many people do you know that got sick shortly after retirement??  I mean the older I get the less adventurous I feel and the more having a bowl of cereal for supper and an early bedtime seems blissful!!  Do It EARLY!!  Do It Now!! Take the kids!!  Especially given the fact many of us now have young children we are still raising in our forties and fifties!  The time to act is Now (and that doesn’t mean go charge a couch to your credit card)  and if you read this and you’re twenty… the same principals apply!!

And love?  You need to be happy first and in love second!  Don’t even get me started on the concept of “til death do us part” in marriage and relationships..  I mean that is a line you use on your leg… or a growth.  But it sure as hell is not a remedy or philosophy for love… be happy, let others be happy…  and if you can’t be happy or let someone else be happy, then Let It Go!

Not only be happy; be mature, be thoughtful, be kind, be fulfilled, be enriched, take all of the bad things that happen and use them to help you know good, or at the very least to help you to know what you don‘t want!  This is not about living a perfect life (because quite frankly that does not exist) it is about living the life that is perfect for you!  Yes there is compromise, and it can’t always happen this very second, but you can make the choice to start on a path (any path, because it will lead somewhere).

Messy is a part of everyone’s life, conflict is too, loss is guaranteed, hurt is inevitable, but I heard once… misery is optional.  Take chances, tell people you love, treat them the way you want to be treated, and always move forward.  Maybe you have to first slow the train that is speeding towards self destruction, or get pissed off to pull yourself out of a depression, or go on a trip, an adventure to remind yourself you are still YOU!   You are still alive and well!!

Maybe the bookstore is as far as you can get this week, or the park, or the front porch .. But go!!

Forty is a jump off point, and fifty well it’s an absolute “shit or get off the pot” time!!  I will have to live a decade to find out about almost 60 would mean and beyond.  But on of my favourite authors wrote her first best sellers in her 60s and wrote many, many more for decades, and I’m sure she went to the other side, when she passed much happier than if she’d believed the nonsense of slowing down when you are older or did not take the chance to step outside the box .   She was good at what she did and probably was able to skip a lot of the steps that go along with being young and fumbling through.   One of my closest friends is 74 and (who plays several instruments) and just learned to play the mandolin, (mainly because I coerced her into it) but we are having a blast learning!  Even if it is in her words a “miserable little prick to tune” LOL

We have the knowledge of age, we can book a trip in ten minutes or less, we can join a group, and we have all known our interests and passions since we were about 12, and if you worry about what other people I say who gives a hoot about what anyone will think of us??  I mean really, you play that game and you are now “the chicken on the hot tin roof”.  A very tiring game.

I have realized the comparison game is silly, as no matter who you are, there will always be someone younger, someone prettier, someone more athletic, someone more talented, someone wittier, someone smarter, someone happier… but there is only one you.  And you are exactly the right age, you are exactly where you are supposed to be and this is the perfect time to find your next perfect step.  Mid life should be embraced and entered into as we have so much to offer to others, things we didn’t know when we were twenty; empathy, understanding and knowledge.  We have many accomplishments, families and experiences we would not have otherwise.

We have wrinkles to show our years of smiles, if you’re a mom… stretch marks to show that you created a whole other life.   If we can give our society and generation a new way to perceive aging I really think that would be wonderful, and it is the mid lifers (to post mid lifers) that need to be the change.  For me, putting my thoughts and ideas out there for others to read, well that is just scary, but when that one person walked in with her three little beauties in tow, and said what the hell… well I decided that was my opportunity to move past my own fear and insecurities at “almost fifty” and put myself out there!   I love to help and I have thought about this and lived this and wish I would have read this during the time when all I ever heard was, “midlife crisis, means he bought a sports car and had an affair, and she is a cougar ((a whole other blog)) which is all, quite frankly, really just a negative, nonsensical, North American, old school pile of hooey.   I am not suggesting I would change any of my crazy decade and knowing me I would do it all again and of course the hard way since Me = Challenge.  But  maybe some insight would have allowed me to move a bit quicker and grow further and be more supported.  I teach the way I teach young children, simply because it is what I wished I would have as a little one,  so I guess this is the same deal.

I ’m not saying that everyone shouldn’t hit midlife and have a sports car and want to look 10 years younger, I think it is more we threw the baby out with the bathwater (who made up that saying anyways??)  and jumping into life changing events (some that can leave lasting effects) may be better done with a clearer understanding and intention,  I feel like at “almost fifty” I am still transitioning out of my mid life… and hey, who knows, I could end up to be 98 and still blogging?!

So at mid life I ask, why?  Why not??  Dig deep and find out what makes you happy!! If possible, be thoughtful in this transition and enjoy the ride...  All of it… the good, the bad and the messy,  eat well, live well,  be gentle on yourself, love yourself and make this life your own!!   Be brave, have fun and expand.  So when we are all blogging at “almost a hundred” or maybe even “almost a hundred and twenty” (for my questionably middle aged friend)  we can say, WHOO HOO what a ride!!   Or if we leave on an earlier train, we have no regrets and know in our hearts, we have left no stone unturned!

Post Script:
To My Almost Forty Friend...
I hope this helped and already this is shaping up to be an amazing adventure for you !!!

LOVE IT
LIVE IT
BE IT !!

Steph 

Walk It Off - April 14th, 2016

I have to say that I must agree with walking being one of the best remedies!  Besides being a good stress relief and great for your health, it is good for the soul!   My doctor says it is also rather meditative.   I was so happy when the good weather was finally back upon us, I know you can walk in any weather but this winter was so gloomy that when finally a nice day appeared a walk was so absolutely wonderful!  On the 14th of April, 2016, my dog Nikki and I ventured out to the beautiful walking trails of St Marys.  The sun, the warmth and the motion was healing.  Did I mention the sun???  Such a wet and dreary winter finally broke!  I also realized I was in better shape than I expected and then the next few days in a bit worse shape than expected!  Basically over all it was not too bad for being Almost Fifty.  Both Nikki and I were in need of some cardio and shed that extra winter weight.  But that really had nothing to do with the walking.  I was walking off my built up anxiety and winter blues.  Anything that ailed me could not keep up with me on my walks.  The fresh air was just amazing and the water with the sun glistening on it like diamonds was magical.   Being high above the water looking over the park and the town is so beautiful, bringing appreciation to the history and architecture of this town.  Someone had amazing vision.  The work that went into the trestle for pedestrians, well all I can say is this town was certainly meant for walking.  Beautiful, scenic walking.  And then there is my music… my play list on my Iphone and my over sized headphones!  Made cool again by the teenagers, however I’m not sure if I fall into the “cool” category or “old school”.  Regardless I don’t care, I put them on for shoveling in the winter, as they motivated me with my “shoveling music list” , and also kept my ears nice and warm!  On my walks my headphones simply block out the world.  It felt wonderful to walk alone and feel solitude, even though the busy world rushed around me.  There is always someone walking in this town! The walking town!! And nothing mattered as my music blared while I stayed calm and walked the dog.  I finally understood why people run. (which I envy, but won't attempt!)  and all of the other walkers and roamers and strollers.  It’s a whole other world which I had only seen glimpses of and for some reason this spring I felt as if I’d seen this whole other dimension.  Walking may not solve my problems, it may not change the things I have no control over, but it sure helps me feel better inside and out.  It is a welcome new friend, along with all of its nature and temperatures.  Sometimes when life builds up, it is just a great way to make a move, to find a path, to focus on something different, and to do something that will make your body sing.  I do refrain from dancing, however with some of my songs on my walking list… it’s all I can do to not groove on down the road!  And as much as I often wonder if I am headed in the right direction in life, I know this is my path, simply because, I am on it!  And walking on this path makes me feel good and happy... yep the direction is all good!

Post Script:
I love taking photos and here are some that I have taken of the awesome views on my path, and also I have been taking a selfie to send to Jesse (the 2nd son) as he inspired me to get up and move, and told me there is great things to see in all different types of weather, and so I send along a pic of me and the Nikki, to show we are still going and still moving forward!   Also Check out my video:  Maybe I'm Already There!

      

In The Beginning...

Well I decided to take my writing to a new medium, so I have found myself a place to blog.  I have been writing as long as I can remember and it is truly one of my life's passions.

I decided that this was the perfect time to start writing a blog as I find myself a year and a bit away from Fifty.   I wanted to find a way to embrace my age rather than continuously apologizing for it.  (not that I really ever do apologize for it)  But it seems the world wants you to worry about how young you look, and be afraid or ashamed to tell you your age.  To buy every product to fix the fact you are aging, to fix your pictures to make you look younger and with people going as far as surgery to fix the inevitable.  Maybe this aging thing is something we should possibly even consider feeling good about? Honestly I never really understood this craze and I think the whole world has gone a bit mad, keeping us from accepting ourselves and enjoying reality.  I had zero control over when my parents decided to conjure me up, I have zero control over my genetic make up, and I have zero control over how time moves by at an uncanny speed!

What I do have control over is how I decide to view myself and the world around me. I can accept all parts of myself and continuously strive to make peace with all aspects of my life.  I think anyone who expresses they have a perfect life is full of crap.  Life can be great, but in times of great growth and contrast and loss, well... it is just sometimes messy, and that is ok.  And from 40 to 50, well what a ride it has been.   You can live your life however you wish, you can live it by accident or in fear.  My life I wish to live as fully as possible and with as few regrets as possible and it is always a work in progress.

I have found filling my life with positive people and thoughts has been my best choice so far.  Daring to dream and getting out of the way of all the good things, big and small that come into my life.  New friends, old friends, family and loved ones, like the seasons they come and go, some are more intense, some are more memorable than others, some completely uneventful and always ever changing.

The Time Is Now ...  for awhile I've been telling people I'm almost 50,  Some cringe (which I don't quite understand) some people think I'm young and ironically most of the young people in my life seem not to care, (with exception of one 6yr old who was so blown away that I was 42years older than her, and also just as shocked that my oldest son was 23, which she could barely fathom.  I didn't feel so bad when she asked another music student closer to my age if he was the same age as her...  I knew at that point a she was still shy of that really good understanding of age! :)

It is time for me to move into a new way, in a new direction and to pick a new path.  To chill out and Allow life to breath.  This ride will be over before we know it and today is all anyone really has.   FUN is the best three letter word you can find and comes in different forms for everyone!  Finding your Fun should be a priority at every age and not forgotten as we get older, maybe it should become even more important?.   

I love my work, teaching music to kids and people of all ages,  I love performing music, I love writing in all forms and I love being around people.  I love my life as crazy as it often looks to those who are around me and as busy or messy as it may get.  I love my 4 sons, they have always been at the top of my life's list and the biggest and best part of my world and as nutty and busy as it was raising them it has been fascinating to watch them grow and make their own worlds and to watch their lives unfold.  

Adventure... I Love Adventure... I always say you can never have too much adventure in your life which has been something I may have in some ways let go by the wayside over the past few years, however, even close to home my life always finds a way to be an adventure...  and then there is sleeping!  Life's perfect way to reboot, refresh and restart each morning.  I have discovered this as one of life's greatest tools.  No matter how good or bad the day was, a good sleep can fix it all!

So This is my blog, at Almost Fifty, I can't wait to begin and take you on some of the Fun Adventures, to share my thoughts and reflections and bring you my favourite places, introduce you to some of my favourite people and things! (things: to be determined!)  Life is what you make it... so why not make it a great life, look forward and enjoy, roll with the punches and breath.  Help your friends when they need it and let them help you when you are in need.  So much to do and so little a time!   You are the Captain of your Ship... So Sail On!! 

                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                      Steph