Another Round Of Improv - January 22, 2017

Well I have stepped in to another round of Improv and this time a little closer to home!  London seemed like such an unattractive drive during the winter.   You never know from one day to the next what to expect with driving conditions.

So when I heard that there was one right next door at the town hall in St Marys, I was super excited!  It had a running time from December to March (exactly my not leaving town months) and included two performances at the end of the session… ok now that is a little scary.  At least in London you decided if you wanted to continue on into a troupe.  However my fear of driving in a white out proved to be greater than my fear of going on stage for two nights with an Improv troupe!  Liane our leader I found was completely different than our London teachers and was just as fun and fascinating to me as any of my other instructors.  Coming from a theatre background I felt as if I was viewing everything from a completely different perspective, all while being in the same genre.  Theatre is something I was never really part of and maybe should have been.  Although I think it would have missed me with impact and concern in my early years about not looking silly and taking this type of risk socially.This is just a letting go of what people think of random and outrageous ideas and thoughts while having fun and being creative and dramatic.  All somewhat foreign to me which seems to make it very intriguing!!  

So I’m not really thinking about the show, I’m just enjoying the process, I will be having another Improv Troupe from London coming into my studio Feb 17th and hopefully inspiring me to embrace the show/on stage part of this new art I have been drawn into.  But I have found it has increased my confidence and ability to talk on stage, which I felt I was already average in, but just makes it that much more comfortable and quick,

leaving out over thinking which can hamper stage presence.  Besides the fact as I always tell others who are coming in to learn a new instrument as an adult.  It is always great to learn new things and to challenge yourself and to stretch yourself.. Especially as we get older and more settled into our comfort zones, and my reward is watching them have fun and challenge themselves and be impressed with their achievement!   So wish me luck on March 3rd and 4th at the beautiful St Marys Town Hall theatre, or better yet come out and watch me make a fool of myself (one of the directives for Improv) with my other new Improv friends.  One thing I can guarantee is you will have fun and have a good laugh!  Which in my opinion you can never have too many :)

Spring and St Paddys Day

We are entering another new season as the clocks spring ahead and we hit the ground running! (Of course After the initial shock/adjustment of the hour change)  Hockey is still going strong for many, (the seemingly never ending season) and the over eventful St Paddys Day has come and gone and on a Friday this year to boot!  I think you could hear a collective "brace yourself!"  Police were on double duty and the bars were just a hoppin!   Yep and that's how it played out from all of the counts I heard and experienced.  I played at the Boar's Head Pub in Stratford and when I arrived I could barely get into the pub at 7 pm from the people who appeared to have been there and socializing on this "big Irish holiday"  since they were sprung from work at the "top of the day".   Ok, so I wonder how many are actually Irish?  I had one person raise their hand and explain they were from somewhere other than Ireland, but we handed out the prizes we had brought for some of the people having the closest answers or best answers to our Irish skill testing questions!   My oldest son Dustin accompanied me that night and no words needed to be spoken we just cranked it up and came roaring straight out of the box with our 3rd set songs first! Dustin hit the box drum first to accompany me and get the crowd moving  and kept them on the high level energy right through to the end of the night!  We had to remain super aware of dance floor enthusiasts which would jig a bit too close to my mic stand in our little entertainment corner, but old life skills reminded me to be aware and keep out of the way of the potential mic in the mouth!  On Dustin's side it was the mic swinging away issue when people walking by would catch it.  No stage and small quarters is always more like performing in an obstacle course but to me that just makes it all the more challenging and keeps me on my toes!  I'm sure law enforcement is happy that  St Paddys isn't always on a Friday! I haven't been out on one for years but being booked brought me out and reminded me of days gone by when the excitement of green beer and shamrocks brought the masses out of their homes , even on weekday evenings.  Something that I'm thinking ended around the time I had kids and we just skipped that and waited patiently for the Easter Bunny instead (a bit of of more tame holiday!) Regardless they all arrive with the promise of spring in the air and the light of day lasting much longer and hockey (possibly) winding down!  Max's (who is in Bantam AE this year) found another tournament in Aylmer this past weekend and the BBs just keep on going this year!  And then you'd almost think things are going to slow down post hockey but no.... I know the double time of summer will be upon us, when days get longer yet and we Canadians feel we need to pack everything in that we could not do in the throws of winter! We do everything outside that we possibly can during our warmer months.  The hockey bags drop (or ringette or figure skating) and the soccer and baseball and beach and hiking and camping and bbqing season begins!  I do not think I am the only one who starts vividly imagining the warmer season around mid February and then getting desperate for it when more snow arrives in March.  And it ain't over until it's over and every year it's  consistent in its wonderfully welcome arrival of spring and heart wrenching departure of good weather.  I like the seasons, however, winter could be about 3 weeks and then gone and I'd be good with that!  And soon Summer will arrive!  I ordered and received the free park pass for day tripping into Canadian Parks, we don't have many close by but they were free for the ordering and I would like to make it a goal to get to a few this summer!  And besides they are cards of summer and it's always good to have a few good cards in your hands! But I guess this is something that can be enjoyed in the colder temperatures as I have been seeing pictures of people's winter camping events which I am in awe of!  The bravery and the commitment to enjoy our Canadian weather!  Someday maybe I will become more "at one" with the winter? I did more walking this year in the snow and it and it was not as bad as I anticipated and was even quite beautiful.  And since I became a bit more Irish after my last gig who knows what could be in store next!  The sky is the limit for new adventures and experiences, (especially with warmer weather on the horizon) and as I was told recently by a friend "the potential outcomes are infinite"  So while I await the warmer weather I will just  let this keep rolling through my spring loaded mind! 

Post Ground Hog Day Celebration!

Every year I know on ground hog day that it's my Bff's birthday.  We met at the age of nine, when my family moved to Nairn from Kitchener and I was off to East Williams school.  On the teeter-totters we became best friends and 41 years later we still are and with her living in beautiful Victoria we were decided to celebrate in Toronto (on her way to Mexico) Meeting her mom from London and her Daughter who goes to University in Toronto. Yes Joanne will lead us into our 50th year first. So I left the bustling, beautiful train station in St. Marys, bright and early Saturday morning.  The train was late and I was early so I went for a quick 1.03km walk (according to my app) and on that short walk did 22 flights according to my Fitbit.  Needless to say the hills around the train station are steep!  I boarded the East bound train.  It was met with more delays however, I was not on any real schedule and Joanne was able to adjust her morning run to meet my late arrival.  I figured she would be noticing the contrast in the -12 harsh Ontario air compared to her mild Victoria winters air for her pre-marathon run.




I must say every time we meet up, it is as if no moments have elapsed.  Picking up where we left off with the comfort of a 41 year friendship.   We subwayed it back to her in-laws apartment for our stay.  I love the subway system and the change from small town (3 stop lights) to underground subways carrying hundreds of people to uncountable destinations.  We had lunch at a tiny restaurant that was noted for their fried chicken and waffles.  Who knew that hot sauce and maple syrup could be within the same meal?  But it was awesome!  So an afternoon of catching up and visiting, followed by dinner at a BBQ your own supper place with Molly and her university friend, which proved to be a flamingly interesting experience!  I have never have the BBQ turned off under my table before (beside my knees) or cooked raw meat with 4 others with limited utensils!  But it was a blast!! (Actually not literally, I was a little concerned for real blasts and food poisoning/ cross contamination) but if the university kids liked it, we could do it too!  Then after lots more walking and a few more subways it was time for the main event!  A Gord Downie Birthday Fundraiser, put on my his core fan group.  Joanne being a die hard fan decided this was the perfect way to celebrate her birthday too!  We decided to cab it this time and that is always exciting.  I think in Toronto, Montreal and New York the game is, how close and fast can I skim by another vehicle without impact? (Actually the Montreal cab did hit someone ((but that's another story)) So off we went, at 10pm, which is now, like when we first met, past our bedtime again.  But we braved the night and the cold and found our way to the Adelaide Hall which was, like the guy on the street said.. down the alley and through the white door and into the basement.  (Directions I'm sure we would warn our children not to follow) but as Vets of the rock scene we thought it sounded about right!  So yep there below ground in a black room with 200 or so other Hip Fans we celebrated Joanne and Gord Downies birthdays!  The band Strictly Hip flawlessly performed the music of the Hip and the sold out crowd sang and rocked out to the music!  It was a little tricky as the floor was so sticky, if I could barely lift my feet!  But that made it all the more all the more reminiscent of the old days.  (Minus the two hundred people that would have been smoking in the overcrowded black basement back in the day). I did do some safety checks for the exits, as the over crowded thick air, reminded me of my desire to get the hell out in the event of any faulty wiring, so I decided that the green sign with the stick man running and the arrow that pointed into a hallway was the exit sign... since the other sign exactly like it pointed to the way we came in.  So I guess the weekend did not meet all of my safety requirements but it was an adventure.  And looking back from grade three, and who would have ever thought we'd have been here. Through all of life's twists and turns and growing up (well maybe still working on that) and realizing the true value in life is the experience and friendships we have and will continue to have.  We didn't know we would get here minus her dad and my parents with Isobel being our sole parent, but she is just nutty enough to do the job for us!  Our kids are grown or almost out of the house and a new chapter arrives as 50 hits and who knew that it would start at a basement concert in Toronto?  Now we have six months til mine... and so far it looks like it could be fun!! I'm thinking more bands and a trip to BC would create the perfect celebration
!

BLUE MONDAY

Ok so it is almost time for Blue Monday, apparently the most depressing day of the year, this year it is calculated to be on January 16th.   This non-scientifically formulated date is not on the same date every year, but calculated to be around the third Monday of January (by "the winter/mental health experts") , it could be the forth or the second Monday.  But the variables are calculated with 2017 Weather - Debt - Time Since Christmas - Time since failing New Years Resolutions - Low motivation levels. 

So I did some of my own calculations… well if you live in Perth County it could start the minute it snows (if you don’t own a snowmobile).  If you have to wake up and drive to work while it is dark it could start in November.  Unless you work at Disney Land (no one gets depressed who works at Disney Land) however that would be a long drive from Perth County.  Time since Christmas can be variable as I am still on holidays since Christmas, (Ok well I love my work so not really, I'm still gigging and teaching, but yes kind of) so this amount may vary for everyone (retired people, is it actually post-Christmas or pre-Christmas?)  Debt.. Well if you went all out and racked up your credit cards (and still haven’t learned) well then this part can almost start prior to the unwrapping!  But if it doesn’t, then that calculation will certainly be depending on your billing date of your next credit card statement.  I think hand crafted gifts, made out of recycled items (left behind by my kids) could be a creative possibility next year to shopping and spending.  (it would be the gift that keeps on giving:)  I can see the "one lost sock coat" in my mind that I could create…  look out Pook Touque!!  And then there is the broken New Years Resolution.   Well this year I decided to be pro-active and not make one!  This way I can not break it!  So that variable is not in my calculation, but really could start as quick as one minute after midnight to one day after for most resolutioners?   Clearly this non-scientific calculation is just a guess.  However it is pretty safe to assume that around the middle of January someone is going to be rather depressed… here are my calculations…. It has now been cold for at least a month, you have had to dig your car out from more than one snow bank and possibly driven though a white out or two.  You wake up in the dark and most likely come home from work in the dark.  You are lugging around another 10 lbs of fat after the loads of food you indulged in over Christmas.  There may be turkey, stuffing and gravy coming out of your pours.  You need to count the change rattling around in your pockets to buy a Timmies coffee because of all of the bills you threw around during the holidays, like confetti, like an excited child screaming WEEEEEEE…. Now a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday (Maybe not Friday, Saturday or Sunday because you can hide inside on these days) in mid January may all be the most depressing day of the year!  You are slumped over (because it is more comfortable in your too tight of pants) watching the snow, bury you car yet again for the fourth time today.  You wake up and look out the window into the darkness of morning, scrambling for that change in your pocket to freeze your buns off while silently praying "please let my window unfreeze before I get to the drivethrough window... to grab that coffee (which is most definitely the only thing that motivates you to even consider getting out of your warm bed on a cold January morning and into the not so great outdoors).   This my friend is one of the most 31 potentially depressing days of January.  Followed by hopeful February? Ummmm I don’t think so!  My word of the month is patience, which fits in perfectly with a South Western Ontario winter...  and Action, which means I may not be out walking in the blizzard but I have dragged my rower out of the back garage and it is now being used each morning for 20 min followed by Yoga for my aching body and guitar shoulder.  Which leads me to my third word of 2017 Commitment!  Oh ya!  I’ll be fit and limber and patient by spring!  Well of course unless I can have my January 2017 wish of being a bear!!  Then I will see you when I am done hibernating!! 

Steph and the Gals

Steph and the Gals (our temporary name) performed our first gig last night and we have lined up two more.

As a musician and music teacher, this has been a journey of friendship, fun and music.

Because I have been performing live for years and working as a musician, it seems completely attainable to me to play live but it’s not for everyone. However, to some music students with some great talent, we proved last night that we can do whatever we want to do.

Dreams are great at all ages and when people ask me if they are too old to learn guitar or play music, I say, “No.”

I think it may even be more important later in life than it is earlier because we need to keep rejuvenating ourselves with fresh, fun things in our lives. Age is just a number. Our souls are always young, always seeking.

Life has enough stress and responsibilities without denying ourselves potentially enriching activities. Real and deeply enriching activities. Things that we may desire and yet they take us out of our comfort zone, and when we actually do them, we are elated. High on life.

Everyone’s dreams are different and unique to them, but there is never a time to stop reaching for them. One hour a week committed to something enriching can fuel our gas tanks for a whole week and fill us with anticipation for the next enriching hour.

This latest project I have worked on with my students has been nothing short of a blast. So many laughs and newly formed friendships and some amazing music.

At our first performance for a great cause, we actually received a standing ovation, which was unexpected. We did not have an encore song chosen. So I pulled my end-of-my-evening song from my repertoire, which is a feel-good, sing-a-long song and we all performed our encore song.

What a great night for this group. What a great example of following our dreams and desires and challenging ourselves to do new things.

I remember around 18 years ago getting on my first coffeehouse stage playing my original music. I had performed before but this was new and I always had the jitters. Bands had a security to them but this was a completely new creature. It was both exhilarating and terrifying and I loved it.

Since I was young I have performed many venues from big audiences with full bands to solo gigs in pubs (my favourite) and still await a stadium or the largest bank of speakers I can imagine. But I still remember that magical moment of my first coffeehouse performance, the magical stopping of time and the great feeling I had.

I know how awesome that is to share with someone else, even though this has become my work, it is still a passion. Like writing.

So my blog is my new challenge and once again I am finding exhilaration in the experience.

We are never too old to enjoy life, to stretch ourselves, to put ourselves “out there” or whatever it may be we wish to do. Let’s follow our hearts, not follow the tribe (it moves too slowly for this lifetime) and let ourselves sing.
                                                      Steph  

Waking Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed

Well there are some days when you wake up ready to greet the morning and then there are days in which you are clear, you have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.  Sometimes I wonder if it was a dream I had that made me angry or edgy or frustrated, and yet I can’t remember one.  Everything seems to be going in the wrong direction.  Immediately the world turns upside-down, coffee filters rip and wet coffee grinds find their way to the floor, containers won’t open, cupboard doors take on a life of their own reaching out to smack me in the head, or is it just me??  I have to wonder since it doesn’t seem as if the whole world has changed since I went to bed and yes it is true I am the common denominator in my experiences.  I wonder and then google who exactly came up with the saying “waking up on the wrong side of the bed”?  Well it seems that the Romans believed that it was bad luck to get out of bed on the left hand side and that meant getting out of bed on the “wrong side”which was thought to bring you very bad luck all day.  But yet I get out of bed on the exact same side every day!   It is left from standing at the foot of the bed looking at it and right if I am laying down.  So which exactly way is it to exit the wrong side of the bed as there seems to be a few variables here.  And if it is from the end of the bed we are considering, well then I get out on the wrong side every morning!! Ok, so it is just a saying, but one thing is for sure, it seems to be a real thing.  Cranky pants in the morning for absolutely no apparent reason!  One of my favorite speakers says, what you focus on, you will get more of.  Well if that means I focus on being cranky, and then my coffee filter rips, and then I bang my head on the cupboard door and then Max decides that is the morning he should test out all of his craziest whining voices accompanied by his funniest sayings, like “help me.. I need a biscuit“  while I am trying desperately to “turn the bus around”  and the dog is also whining, because her water and food dishes are full!  This to me is a clear indication, I must have done an exit bedside left!!    So once I have accepted the fact I have indeed, "woken up on the wrong side of the bed", I make sure that in any way I can, I work to turn it around.  I may go back to bed for 20 min to 3 hours, (schedule permitting, since I work afternoons) then I work to reboot and exit bedside right!!  If I don’t have time to go back to bed I make sure I try and focus on something else for at least 17 seconds and then again for another 17 seconds to redirect my day.  Happy Thoughts... Happy Thoughts... ducking another cupboard door aiming for my head.  If I must get in my car, then I make extra sure to take that 17 seconds before putting the car in drive and look at some clouds or something relaxing and breath and focus.  I have decided running over pedestrians or getting in accidents never improves any day!!!  Yes, the day could get much worse but if you practice, it can get much better, much quicker!   Besides, if you are cranky you know without a doubt every other cranky person (or worse yet... annoying person) is on their way to see you.  You have now become a magnet to exactly what you wish to avoid… every tractor from rural Ontario will find its way to you and will be going 3km an hour in front of you, pretending to turn into each driveway (yes even in the city!).  So I guess what I am saying is, since I can't avoid this morning phenomenon, so I try and sit back, I try and find the humour and chill out.  Yep there may be no cure to the initial start of the day, but I have realized you can sure turn it around prior to a full blown “bad day”!  It is all in how you proceed from that moment you get up and take one step off of the “wrong side of the bed”!  

Almost Fifty ... On Turning Almost Forty

When my "Almost Forty" friend walked in and said I’m having a big birthday and big trouble with it, I was more than happy to offer some of my thoughts and reflections on my “Almost Decade Ago” birthday! It is with great reflection and life experience that I felt I had learned something’s about the Mid-Life event that for many is "imminent or occurring“ or passed.  When I said maybe I could write about it my “almost forty” friend said YES please do!!  So here it goes ….

Let me start with, I don't think anyone is exempt from the effects of the middle age transition.  Some people sail through easier and embrace it but it definitely depends on our attachments to certain things and certain events that are, or have taken place in our lives.

I like to think of it as a “mid life awakening”  rather than the traditional “mid life crisis”, simply because one is more positive and it seems it is when you “wake up and snap out of it” and realize you are middle age.  For some people age is something you think nothing of, but for some it is something you fear, or think is negative, or always thought you’d never experience.  However let’s be very clear on one thing… no one is exempt from aging unless you expired early and in which case, aging is definitely the better option.

So here is my opinion, splashed out on paper, take what you like and ditch the rest!

Ok so you arrive at mid life,  and you realize, time is marching on, and it is not waiting for you.  Time is no longer something you can waste or squander, it has now become a valuable commodity.  If you are vain, well, looks change.  If you have depended on your body and your image, it is likely to be your perception that this aging thing and your body is going to betray you in the next decade.  If you have been a caregiver you may look in the mirror, and see an older more tired version of your once perky self.  You may find regret in your life and lost time you can never retrieve.  During my thirties I was busy as a stay at home mom, losing both my parents between the age of 29 and 37 which is a whole other topic.   My life jam packed with raising (and having) children and helping my mom through cancer after losing my dad to a stroke, and one day it seemed I woke up and I was forty.  There was hardly any time to really stop and think prior to that!   I have no regret as I lived my life doing what I wanted to do.  (Minus the loss of the parent)  Most of us look up, intermittently during raising our children, out of the flurry of action and craziness and realize… time has passed… when and how did that happen?   Many of us still on the mountainous climb of parenthood.. You just can’t get off, because you’re only half way up the mountain.  People who do not have children I have noticed through conversation, do not realize they have aged.  It’s almost kind of comical (and I sort of envy them).  It’s like they do not have that child to have as a gage of the passing of time.  There’s nothing like looking at a twenty-three year old to know you are not as young as you once were.

So now you look up, the birthday approaches, maybe it’s not the fortieth but it’s thirty-nine or forty-one that is getting you worked up, regardless it is “mid-life” and as my friend said at 60, I now realize I am no longer middle age, since I haven’t met any 120yr olds!  Yep , at 49, (almost fifty) I too, am very most likely, passed middle age!

When the marker age hits and the feeling of upset or disturbance or restlessness or dis-ease and comes over you and you’re not really sure why, what is happening, why is with this sense of urgency?  Well in my thoughts, it’s simply because everything we have known, all of our “taken for granteds” have just up and left.  The gift of youth (which I agree is wasted on the young) has just simply left.  Now time is not on our side.  It has ditched us while life got busy and we possibly missed a whole decade in the midst of keeping homes afloat, bosses happy, kids fed and relationships together.

Sooo, what to do next.  Well in hind sight, Chill Out!  Relax and Don’t Panic!!  This is a natural process and doesn’t need to be painful or earth shattering.  It can be a fantastic transitional time in your life where you set yourself up for the new and great things cutting out a whole lot of bullshit in the process!  (for we are older and wiser now, right?)

Time to sit down and take a few notes and ask a few questions…
~ what is your life missing?
~ do you hate your job?
~ are you happy?
~ did you give it all away, and now you’re super pissed? (ie. Have you done anything for yourself and not just for everyone else if you are the caregiver type)
~ are you vain and have not ever needed to look any deeper within yourself?  If so things are about to change and it’s a much easier and far more graceful to accept reality rather than to fight against it. Finding beauty, real beauty if far more attractive than trying to desperately cling to vanity. (which is a futile battle anyways) Time to dig deep… are you willing?
~ are you happy?  Yes I have said that twice!
~ what hobby do you want to try?  Why would you not try it?  Why would you not take one hour out of the week for yourself and do something that might make you feel great?
~ how is your love life?
~ are you afraid of aging or dying
~ do you believe that you are in the drivers seat for your life? (because you are, no matter where it has landed)  ((as I always say.. Yep, I drove myself here, and I dropped myself off!))
~ do you feel like you have options?
~ What do you WANT … what DO you want… what do YOU want… what are your dreams and desires??
~ Do you think you can have them?  Do you think you should have them?  Shouldn’t everyone??

Maybe one (or all) of the above questions are contributing to the deeper under lying causes of upset and agitation of that “mid life feeling“… no wait.. Awakening … From the Deep Slumber of Youth!  Yes, in reflection, there is a bit of a slumber or “oblivion” that goes along with youth.  But a blissful sort of “not knowing” out in LaLa Land that I really do miss, and yes, oh how I did love it!!

Now if anyone (or your inside voice) tells you it’s too late… kick their ass and opinions to the curb!!!  Times may have made it to be different or slightly changed, but it is NEVER TOO LATE to live your life!!!  To follow your dreams, to re-invent yourself and to be happy on the journey!!    To say you cannot is absolute bullshit and something that keeps us all “in the box”, keeping us content with being the fuel for a larger, nonsensical world that we have collectively created.

MAKE IT HAPPEN!!  www.ultimateafrica.com

We are greater than the trap we often fall into, and
have greater reach than we know and thank goodness for “mid-life upset” as it kicks us up, off of our complacent asses and shifts us into gear.  Like myself and deadlines… well this literally is a deadline (pun intended).   Given this new deadline brings me to another key point…  we all really need to get over the issue of death.. We are all on the same train, some of us are on the 9 o’clock and some of us are on the 11 o’clock, but be sure of one thing… we are all getting on that train.  So like aging, embrace the process and stop fighting it.  It is a waste of time.  We all only are guaranteed this moment and why would you not live it??  Why would we waste it or squander it?  What are we waiting for???

The time is now! That is what your fortieth birthday or midlife moment is telling you.  (and your fiftieth screams at you)  Stop wasting time!!   Retirement is a bullshit concept.  Some people don’t make it that far, and how many people do you know that got sick shortly after retirement??  I mean the older I get the less adventurous I feel and the more having a bowl of cereal for supper and an early bedtime seems blissful!!  Do It EARLY!!  Do It Now!! Take the kids!!  Especially given the fact many of us now have young children we are still raising in our forties and fifties!  The time to act is Now (and that doesn’t mean go charge a couch to your credit card)  and if you read this and you’re twenty… the same principals apply!!

And love?  You need to be happy first and in love second!  Don’t even get me started on the concept of “til death do us part” in marriage and relationships..  I mean that is a line you use on your leg… or a growth.  But it sure as hell is not a remedy or philosophy for love… be happy, let others be happy…  and if you can’t be happy or let someone else be happy, then Let It Go!

Not only be happy; be mature, be thoughtful, be kind, be fulfilled, be enriched, take all of the bad things that happen and use them to help you know good, or at the very least to help you to know what you don‘t want!  This is not about living a perfect life (because quite frankly that does not exist) it is about living the life that is perfect for you!  Yes there is compromise, and it can’t always happen this very second, but you can make the choice to start on a path (any path, because it will lead somewhere).

Messy is a part of everyone’s life, conflict is too, loss is guaranteed, hurt is inevitable, but I heard once… misery is optional.  Take chances, tell people you love, treat them the way you want to be treated, and always move forward.  Maybe you have to first slow the train that is speeding towards self destruction, or get pissed off to pull yourself out of a depression, or go on a trip, an adventure to remind yourself you are still YOU!   You are still alive and well!!

Maybe the bookstore is as far as you can get this week, or the park, or the front porch .. But go!!

Forty is a jump off point, and fifty well it’s an absolute “shit or get off the pot” time!!  I will have to live a decade to find out about almost 60 would mean and beyond.  But on of my favourite authors wrote her first best sellers in her 60s and wrote many, many more for decades, and I’m sure she went to the other side, when she passed much happier than if she’d believed the nonsense of slowing down when you are older or did not take the chance to step outside the box .   She was good at what she did and probably was able to skip a lot of the steps that go along with being young and fumbling through.   One of my closest friends is 74 and (who plays several instruments) and just learned to play the mandolin, (mainly because I coerced her into it) but we are having a blast learning!  Even if it is in her words a “miserable little prick to tune” LOL

We have the knowledge of age, we can book a trip in ten minutes or less, we can join a group, and we have all known our interests and passions since we were about 12, and if you worry about what other people I say who gives a hoot about what anyone will think of us??  I mean really, you play that game and you are now “the chicken on the hot tin roof”.  A very tiring game.

I have realized the comparison game is silly, as no matter who you are, there will always be someone younger, someone prettier, someone more athletic, someone more talented, someone wittier, someone smarter, someone happier… but there is only one you.  And you are exactly the right age, you are exactly where you are supposed to be and this is the perfect time to find your next perfect step.  Mid life should be embraced and entered into as we have so much to offer to others, things we didn’t know when we were twenty; empathy, understanding and knowledge.  We have many accomplishments, families and experiences we would not have otherwise.

We have wrinkles to show our years of smiles, if you’re a mom… stretch marks to show that you created a whole other life.   If we can give our society and generation a new way to perceive aging I really think that would be wonderful, and it is the mid lifers (to post mid lifers) that need to be the change.  For me, putting my thoughts and ideas out there for others to read, well that is just scary, but when that one person walked in with her three little beauties in tow, and said what the hell… well I decided that was my opportunity to move past my own fear and insecurities at “almost fifty” and put myself out there!   I love to help and I have thought about this and lived this and wish I would have read this during the time when all I ever heard was, “midlife crisis, means he bought a sports car and had an affair, and she is a cougar ((a whole other blog)) which is all, quite frankly, really just a negative, nonsensical, North American, old school pile of hooey.   I am not suggesting I would change any of my crazy decade and knowing me I would do it all again and of course the hard way since Me = Challenge.  But  maybe some insight would have allowed me to move a bit quicker and grow further and be more supported.  I teach the way I teach young children, simply because it is what I wished I would have as a little one,  so I guess this is the same deal.

I ’m not saying that everyone shouldn’t hit midlife and have a sports car and want to look 10 years younger, I think it is more we threw the baby out with the bathwater (who made up that saying anyways??)  and jumping into life changing events (some that can leave lasting effects) may be better done with a clearer understanding and intention,  I feel like at “almost fifty” I am still transitioning out of my mid life… and hey, who knows, I could end up to be 98 and still blogging?!

So at mid life I ask, why?  Why not??  Dig deep and find out what makes you happy!! If possible, be thoughtful in this transition and enjoy the ride...  All of it… the good, the bad and the messy,  eat well, live well,  be gentle on yourself, love yourself and make this life your own!!   Be brave, have fun and expand.  So when we are all blogging at “almost a hundred” or maybe even “almost a hundred and twenty” (for my questionably middle aged friend)  we can say, WHOO HOO what a ride!!   Or if we leave on an earlier train, we have no regrets and know in our hearts, we have left no stone unturned!

Post Script:
To My Almost Forty Friend...
I hope this helped and already this is shaping up to be an amazing adventure for you !!!

LOVE IT
LIVE IT
BE IT !!

Steph